When Things Don't Work Out

Like most organizations, at Taller de José, we're really good at sharing the success stories. I love telling the story of the client who was trilled to be granted a visa to remain in the United States. It's easy to share about the client who I connected with an program to get a new stove just in time to cook Christmas dinner for her family. It's heartwarming to hear about my client who went from being essentially blind to having near perfect vision. They're the stories that make us proud to be a part of Taller de José and—we hope—make others eager to join us in that mission.

But the nature of our work is such that not every story is going to have a "happy" ending. As a resource center, we are often limited by the resources that are available; we can can connect them and advocate for them, but we can only do so much if they don't qualify for one reason or another. And we can work for a more just immigration system for the future, but for clients caught up in it now, sometimes they have no legal recourse. Other times, there may be options open to the client, but if there are too many obstacles, if their day-to-day is so overwhelming and anxiety-producing that they can't find the emotional strength or physical ability to follow through with the services they need, we can't force them to do so.

So unfortunately, yes, there are stories with less-than-happy endings. And those are always tough days. But an accompaniment I was on recently helped remind me that we don't promise happy endings. We promise accompaniment. On this particular accompaniment, I went with a long-term client, Susana to a court hearing, during which the judge was going to determine whether or not Susana would lose her legal rights as a parent for her 5 children. The reasons it had reached this point are long an complicated (and confidential), but suffice it to say that Susana is probably not capable of making the best choices for her children at this point in her life. Yet even though she struggles to make decisions in the best interests of her children, she really does love them and had tried so hard to do what she could to have them returned to her care, so listening to hours and hours of court testimony from witnesses who were replaying—in great detail—her worst choices was incredibly difficult. Susana had a lawyer, and we had done our best to assist her in following through with court-ordered services, but ultimately the judge decided that day to terminate her legal rights as a parent, meaning her children will never return to her care.

There was nothing I could do to turn this into a happy ending, but what I could offer to Susana was my presence. A compañera from Taller de José was with Susana throughout the several days of the hearing, sometimes offering clarification if she didn't understand what was happening, but mostly just offering moral support. And though she was clearly upset at the end of the day—and I was drained and saddened on her behalf—she still thanked me profusely for being there with her. At a time when I was feeling frustrated and incapable of helping create a happier resolution to her struggles, she reminded me that my presence was what she needed in that moment, not my knowledge of  legal resources or the English language or the public transit system. After all, the first definition of accompany is "to go along or in company with; join in action." At Taller de José, we pride ourselves on being able to provide so many our our clients with the tools needed to overcome certain obstacles, but we also constantly remind ourselves that the heart of our mission is to let our clients know that they aren't alone on the journey, whatever the outcome. 

Keeping Our Eyes Fixed

As the training gets more intense-- I ran 17 miles on the 17th--it's easy to get caught up in getting the right gear, eating the proper nutrition, and finding the time to run; all of which are important to avoid injury and make it to the starting line properly prepared, but also very "me" centered. Thus, when I heard the reading from Hebrews 12 from this Sunday's mass, it was a helpful reminder to keep these concerns in perspective and focus on the larger picture-- running for those who I have the honor of working with each day: 

Let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith...Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners, in order that you may not grow weary and lose heart. 

One of the reasons I believe so much in the work at Taller de José is the way we frame our work as a "ministry," not just a job that pays the bills. While we don't explicitly share our faith with clients (unless specifically asked to), most of us see our presence there as a way of living out our faith. My personal faith compels me to minister at Taller de José because I believe that Christ is in each one of my clients. So I "keep my eyes fixed on Jesus" by helping my client effectively communicate with his lawyer, or by teaching another client how to navigate the train system. And when I can't directly resolve my clients' most pressing needs, I do my best to "keep my eyes fixed on Jesus" by simply being there with them when they need the presence of another human to reassure them that they're worth something to someone. 

And trust me, there are days when my own exhaustion or my clients' struggles seem like too much. There are days when I want to "grow weary and lose heart." But a combination of my faith, the support and example of my fellow ministers at Taller, and the love and support of family and friends helps keep me focused and "running the race." As I head into the second half of my training (I'm officially half-way done!) I hope to rely on those sources of support and the immense gratitude I feel for the those who have joined me on this journey through their financial and prayerful support to keep my focused on the real reason for all the miles-- Taller de José. 

(And this was the point in my post where I was going to bring it all together and say that I'm focusing on running for the name on the front of my jersey and not the one on the back, but, unlike last year, our individual names are on the front of the t-shirts (see below). Great for getting lots of encouragement from race-day spectators, not so great for trying to make cliché blog post endings :))

Team Taller de José: Fr. Bob, myself, Danny, Lisa, and Daniela

Oh the Places We Go

One of the special things about running the Chicago Marathon (as opposed to another city) is that the route passes by so many places I know well, in many cases because I accompany clients there frequently. Seeing those along the route are helpful reminders of why I am running and help give extra meaning to some of the tougher miles. So here's a little virtual trip through the marathon route, via the places we accompany clients most often:

Mile 2.5
We pass one block away from the Daley Center, which accounts for almost 30% of our accompaniments. We visit here with clients most often to attend court dates for such varied situations as: small claims court, evictions, name changes, domestic relations (child support, custody, divorce), guardianship, and traffic court. Other times, though, we assist a client in obtaining birth or marriage certificates, or in filing court documents, often with the guidance of one of several help desks (several legal aid agencies provide the much-needed service of providing legal aid to prepare low-income individuals to represent themselves in court. They're so needed, in fact, that we often arrive as early as 7:30am to sign in even though they don't open until 9:00).

Mile 3.5

On our way north on LaSalle street, we pass by the main offices of CatholicCharities, an organization where we refer a large portion of our clients (and they refer quite a few to us as well). Clients who we refer to Catholic Charities receive services including counseling, financial assistance, clothing, food, housing, senior services, Head Start preschool, and legal assistance (both immigration-related and other). 

 Mile 15
Around mile 15 (the point at which you start thinking, hmmm... I should have just run a half marathon, I'd be done by now!) we run through the medical district, passing Stroger Cook County Hospital, Rush University Hospital, and UIC Hospital, all locations where we accompany clients who have doctor's appointments or procedures. We recently formed a partnership with a community clinic in Little Village to help ensure clients make the connection to Stroger when they're referred to see a specialist, so we've seen a big increase in medical accompaniments in the past year. (If you didn't see my post about my formerly blind client from last year, that's a great example of some of my experiences in the med district).

Mile 23.5
The route takes us to the corner of 35th and Michigan, the Police Headquarters for Chicago, where we accompany clients who need to obtain copies of police reports or request the 918-B Certification, all documents they need for the U-Visa application (a visa available to victims of violent crimes).

And the list could go on and on-- the marathon goes through 29 Chicago neighborhoods, and we've accompanied clients to even more than that. In addition to being motivated by seeing these locations along the route, last year I also had a band around my arm with a list of people to whom I was dedicating each mile. This year, if you would like to donate in honor or in memory of someone-- perhaps someone who has accompanied you in your own life-- I would be honored to dedicate a mile of the marathon to them. Taller will also send a special card to that person or their loved ones and add their name to a special plaque in our office. If you would like to donate in honor or memory of someone, just let me know when you make your donation!

Imagination

I recently read a quote about running that helps put words to a big part of why I run:

 "Bernd Heinrich, Ph.D.... agrees we were born to run. But the secret, he argues, is not that we can trot along under a hot sun. No, the genius lies in our ability to visualize-- to imagine-- that such activity might lead to an important goal. We don't run primarily because we can, or because it feels good, though both might be true. Rather we were born to run with imagination and purpose. Paleoithic runners pursued antelope with visions of a steak dinner. Today we run to score a soccer goal... To finish a 5-K and then maybe a half-marathon. To raise funds for good causes. We run long amd persistent, hoping to one day complete 26.2 miles... Our imagination is our greatest human talent. Our imagination and our optimism." -- Amby Burfoot, "Just Imagine," Runner's World  

I find purpose in running for Taller de Jose, and, for me, the beauty is that Taller is a place that inspires that imagination and optimism in others; we strive to encourage our clients to imagine a future better than the present they're living in and show them they have the support they need to realize those hopes. Most often, as in the case of my client Aurelia, they already have the capability of imagining, and it just takes a listening ear or gentle reassurance to show them they are capable of tackling the obstacles in front of them. 

For about a year now, I've been working with Aurelia, who is in the process of applying for the UVisa. This is a special immigration visa granted to individuals who are victims of violent crimes and who have cooperated with police officers and other law enforcement. The idea is to encourage members of immigrant communities to report crimes and assist in their prosecution; often, individuals fear going to the police because of language barriers, and more significantly, they worry they or their loved ones with be deported. Thus, problems like domestic violence are rampant yet rarely spoken about in neighborhoods like Little Village. 

Before I met her, Aurelia made the brave step of calling the police after suffering years of abuse. She was still confronting the emotional turmoil that comes with being responsible for the arrest of a loved one, no matter how much pain that loved one caused. But because she had a 5-year-old daughter to provide for, her focus had been one of survival, not coping with her loss and confusion. In order to apply for the UVisa, she needed to re-live the abuse over and over, both in writing her personal testimony and by attending frequent court dates to serve as a witness in the case against her abuser. I connected her with a counselor to help with the testimony, but attending the court dates was even more stressful because it meant facing her abuser and his family, who blamed her for calling the police. I attended each court date with her (the process was over 6 months long), and each time we walked away with the case unresolved, she would express desperation, questioning whether she was doing the right thing. I always let her know that the decision to return to court was hers alone, but that if she chose to go, she wouldn't be there alone. In the end, she did follow through to see the case to its conclusion, and her participation was an essential part of both the prosecution's case and her immigration application. 

She is still in the process of applying for the UVisa, so there's a long road ahead of her, but I can see her determination and hope that it will all be worth it; and for as long as she needs it, I'll be there, not as the director, but as a supporting actress. And hers is just one of many, many stories I could share. I feel honored to bear witness to my client's stories of hope and persistence, of imagination in the midst of great suffering, and it is those feelings of gratitude and inspiration that give purpose to my training. 

Take 2

For those of you to whom I promised, "I just want to run one marathon to say that I did it-- I'm not crazy enough to do that more than once!" I owe an apology. I lied. I just had too much fun the first time around (see my post from a few days after the marathon as evidence... I promise I haven't just put on the rose colored glasses now!). After a fiasco of a registration process, I was lucky enough to "win" an entry to the 2013 Chicago Marathon; I just hope the next time I win a "lottery" it means that I've won money, not that I have to pay a large sum of money (and in order to run 26.2 miles, to boot!).

And as I brace myself for the long runs in the summer heat and humidity, the crack-of-dawn Saturday alarms, and the aches and pains, I am constantly reminded that the over 450 miles of training are well worth it when put in perspective of the cause I'm running for-- Taller de Jose. If you've found this blog then you likely know me or a little bit about Taller de Jose already, so I'll try not to be too repetitive about what I've already written. Just briefly,  Taller De Jose is an agency that offers companionship and personal attention to people who have difficulty finding their way in a complex social system. Rather than duplicate existing services, we seek to collaborate with other agencies to make social services more accessible to a population in need. Each staff member, compenera/o, is trained to listen to clients to assess the services they need and then accompany them in the process of finding those resources. 

Since my last posts, Taller has continued to see record numbers of clients and partner with other agencies in the process of accompanying these clients. Here's a brief snapshot of who Taller serves:

I'm officially a week and half into training and I'm quickly being reminded that I can't do this alone. I have the support of an awesome running partner who will be doing most of the training with me-- despite the fact that she won't actually be running the marathon herself!--but I also need all the additional moral support I can get.  The prayers and encouragement I received from family and friends last year made all the difference. If you are also able to financially support Taller de Jose, you can do so by donating at GiveCentral. My goal this year is $1000 and no amount is too small to help me reach that! Fundraising is a lot like marathon running and accompanying clients-- sometimes the big picture can be overwhelming, but it's all about taking it one step at a time and asking for help along the way. 

I'll be back with more posts about my experiences at Taller, but in the meantime, let me know if you have any questions and thank you again for your support!

Mission Accomplished!

I successfully completed the 2012 Chicago Marathon in 5:25:23 AND I far exceeded my fundraising goal, raising a total of $1912.00 so far (and I'm expecting several hundred more in matching donations from employers!!). I cannot possibly express how grateful I am to everyone who donated and everyone who either came to cheer me on in person (it made all the difference to look forward to seeing my family and friends) or sent their love and support from afar. I am so blessed.

A year ago I never would have thought I would run a marathon anytime in my lifetime, let alone the next year. Then, seven months ago, I had somehow* decided to run a marathon, and I hoped I could do it but assumed it would be painful and miserable. But it wasn’t. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I had so. much. fun. That’s right, it was fun! Granted, I wasn’t battling a dropped metatarsal like my running buddy (or any one of the variety of  injuries other runners were struggling with), but the combo of our relaxed pace, seeing friends and family, getting cheered on by random strangers, seeing a city I love in a completely new way, and running for a cause I wholeheartedly believe made it such an exhilarating experience. (One of the reasons it was so moving to run in Chicago was the fact that we passed so many places I accompany clients on a regular basis.)  During my training I learned so much about discipline, time management, priorities, pain, fear, and endurance, but during the marathon itself I learned about trust, gratitude, and (ironically) how to relax and have fun. We missed our (arbitrary) time goal by quite a bit, but it didn’t matter. In the last several weeks of training I’d gotten caught up in feeling like a slow runner compared to my teammates and others my age and really wanted to make a goal of under 5 hours. But what I realized during the race (and as my running partner verbalized afterwards), we didn’t have a time goal when we signed up. We signed up because we believed that the training process could be transformative and because we believed in the causes that we were running for. As a result I can now say that I’m a marathoner, and hopefully because of that process, Taller de Jose can better serve its clients and I am a stronger, better person. Thank you to everyone who was a part of that process.

(In case you haven’t see the pictures yet, here are a few! There are also some from the official photographers if you click here. If you'd like to see me look really silly you can watch this video featuring Melissa and me from the Chicago Tribune... it won't be the first video that shows up, you have to select "2012 Chicago Marathon: The Race Begins")

Team Taller with our finishers medals!

We were pretty excited to see our fans (it was easy to look so happy at mile 1 :))

 

*Ok, so "somehow" is a little misleading... I actually know exactly how it happened. I walked into work on the day the marathon registration sold out (we didn't know it was going to at the time) and my coworker Lisa said she was signing up for the Chicago Marathon (her second)… and so was Kerry… and Maeve… and they were probably going to try to fundraise for Taller de José. So the wheels started turning… four generations of Amate volunteers running the marathon and fundraising for our service site, how cool would that be?? So I ran to my computer, looked up the information and saw that my good friend Melissa was on gchat. I started the conversation:

12:26pm

me: should i run the chicago marathon in October??

Melissa: hmmm... i was totally being "tempted" by that too

(My thoughts: No way! That wasn’t the response I was expecting… I could run it and have a friend—and roommate—to train with! At this point we had a somewhat disjointed conversation about the time commitment, cost, running for a charity, when registration was going to close, etc, and then this…)

1:35pm

me: I'm tweaking out over here!!

  you should do it with me!!!

  if we pay the $150 to register, we'll be motivated :)

 Melissa: i think i want to?

  aaahhhh!

  i was thinking about the time commitment and feeling kinda guilty. but then i realized maybe it's what i need or at least a helpful motivator to learn to be more focused and intentional (with my time and my work)

  and excercise is healthy

 me: and I bet we could find a way to connect prayer and running and make both things more disciplined :)  (Side note from October 2012: We did. Among other things, our “pace bands” from the marathon had a prayer intention for each mile)

  doooooo it

Melissa: ok i'm convinced..... i will!

me: yay!

  YAYAYAY!!!

  okay, I'm going to do it right now!

Melissa: ok, i'm going to sign up now too! what the heck am i getting myself into?!

me: I don't know!! We're crazy!!

"The Funds Will Come in Somehow or Other"

I just finished reading Dorothy Day: A Radical Devotion by Robert Coles, where I came across this quote by Peter Maurin: "In the Catholic church...one never needs any money to start a good work.'... 'People are what are important. If you have the people and they are willing to give their work-- that is the thing. God is not to be outdone in generosity. The funds will come in somehow or other." It stuck me as a very bold and trusting concept, or, put more negatively, a foolish concept! I'm sure many of us would react, "What do you mean you don't need money??" And while I think it is a little extreme to say that one never needs any money, I do think there is some truth at the heart of what he's saying.

At Taller de José, we need money to pay the bills for our office space, the phone and internet, public transportation for our clients, basic office supplies, and the salaries of the few staff members who are paid. But we wouldn't be where we are today without the generous donations of time from our many volunteers. Our volunteers donate about 170 hours per week to the organization--what an incredible gift! The volunteers and interns accompany the majority of our clients, work at the front desk answering the door and the phones, gather information about new resources, assist with clerical tasks and our accounting, design our flyers, brochures, and newsletters, and help with special projects along the way. So in that sense, Maurin is right; people are what are important. Without people, we'd have an operational office space and fully loaded bus cards, but no one to see the clients.

And he was right in another sense-- the funds do come in "somehow or other." For Taller de José, that "somehow or other" is often grants and sponsorship from organizations like the CSJ (Congregation of St. Joseph) Ministries, but a large amount also comes from individual donors. Thanks to all the generous family and friends who donated to Taller as part of my marathon fundraising, I've officially exceeded my goal with a whole week to spare! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I have been so touched by everyone's generosity.

But, that doesn't mean I can't surpass my goal even further ;) Our total team goal is $5,000, and we're still short of that, so it's not too late to donate! You can do so here: https://www.givecentral.org/core.php?do=event_signup&key=GC-4fc7aa9d03cbd or by mailing in your donation to Taller de Jose, 3047 W Cermak, Chicago, IL 60623 (or you can contact me for my home address).

As the marathon gets closer, I just keep getting more excited (I know, it sounds crazy... why would anyone be excited to go out and run for almost 5 hours straight??). It will be such a thrill to be surrounded by so many people aiming for the same goal, and so many of them also running for charities. Please keep all the runners in your thoughts and prayers; I hope that everyone who has put in so much hard work during training is able to cross the finish line safely. Thank you so much to everyone who has accompanied me during this journey!

p.s. If you haven't yet, check out the redesigned website for Taller de José!